Your Friends in the 21st Century

All your freakin friends are pissing the world off.  I don't mean your awesome friends who make you cookies and love to help you on home projects while telling jokes; those people are badass.  But I mean your weak willed jackhole friends who are on your C list.  Now B list isn't that terrible, but C list is pretty bad.  So you tell me, are they really worth keeping?  How about we go through a list to see if any of these friends leech off of you.

Faking an Interest

While a promise is important, some of your friends don't mind spewing out mindless ones that they do not intend to keep.  One common friend is someone who suggests first then promises to see you in the future.  They would say, "Dude, we gotta hang out sometime!" then when you finally get a day available in your schedule, they drop off the face of the earth so they can go to a party or some place else.  Some of you probably don't care much for this person, but some of us actually really try, and when we really try to make that space in our hearts and time, they just blow us off to do something else.

Then there are the people who would promise that they would say hi, call you, get you present, or hang with you on your birthday.  And that's total bullshit because they just end up forgetting when it is or responding to an invitation. 

All these people are either just like this in general or obviously fake an interest and try to see you as a friend on a more personal level.  So forget these people because they just don't care about what you do, who your other friends are, and even when your own birthday is.

Gossipers

 I'm not talking about that book and TV series many people are fans of.  I don't even know what it's about except for probably girls and gossip.  I'm talking about the ones who have no business knowing yours or other people's businesses but don't mind spreading this type of news out to the world.  And from what I can tell, the type of gossip told from these people vary so don't even dare telling them a secret whether it is big or small.  You're just going to get screwed. 

Gossip can be fun to some people, but whether it is your mother on the phone talking to her other friends or just sharing something that was somewhat interesting, everyone knows that some secrets eventually get told around the corner and the person you least want to hear about it knows.  Just look at this picture Norman Rockwell painted.  It tells the truth. 

My theory is to just try to steer away from these types of conversations with your gossip friends.  Now most of the time these friends are actually ok; you see them every once in a while and there isn't any type of hate in between you two, but if it gets to the point where they discuss something about someone you particularly like or just about yourself, it is best to try to get out of that realm altogether.  Talk about celebrity gossip.  At least you don't personally know these people even if you follow them on Twitter (which is USELESS).

Haters

I find this picture true on a loose level.  Almost every person who is somewhat liked in a particular community is viewed to be liked "too much" by some jealous attention grumbling dildo, and of course you have to be on the end of some back and forth drama.

I can guarantee that this has happened to almost everyone at one point of their lives whether it was from childhood to adulthood.  Haters can be either somewhat visible or not at all.  Sometimes the hate only lasts for a little while depending on a bad day or some turn of events that gives that person the wrong impression of you, which I can understand because first impressions are important but give people a 50/50 chance of being liked.  Those accidents are easily forgivable. 

Haters who are somewhat visible are more common with girls than guys especially when they get older.  Girls have a tendency to be jealous over things that are more personal while some boys usually get jealous over a bunch of little things that pile up, but some guys actually talk through their problems besides trying to ruin your reputation. 

Girls are probably the worst type of hater.  They get jealous over something that is most likely stupid like a guy or some sort of misunderstanding, and then you have a huge wave of hate coming towards you depending if they like to gossip or fabricate stories.  The worst part about this is that they still pretend to be your friend for a ridiculous reason.  It could be just to keep you closer or they have a type of connection to you which they cannot fully understand.  And nothing is more insulting than someone who hates you telling you lies and still trying to be your friend.  And if you are in high school and still doing this, just save yourself the trouble and delete these people from FB and tell them that because they are younger than 20 their "problems" don't matter.  Even if you are not the bigger person, at least try to detach yourself from haters as soon as possible because once you are in too deep, it can be harder than it looks to try to get away.

Freeloaders

This could hit a few people too close to home, but don't worry; it's normal to find these people.  Freeloaders come in all different shapes and sizes, and sometimes they don't even have to be your friends but they could be your family, your roommates, your classmate, your co-workers, your significant other, and sometimes your customers.  If a customer comes up to you trying to trick you into giving them free stuff, not only are they free loading but they are technically committing a crime.  So you could even call the police if you are feeling lucky and have the end to a satisfying work day (this is one of my biggest dreams).

In seriousness freeloaders are annoying and out to bleed you dry.  When you establish a personal connection with someone like this, it's even worse to try to get them to help themselves.  A lot of these people have potential so whether your choice is to cut them off completely or try to ease them into not living this lifestyle anymore, there is always hope.  Try your best and it can be a huge difference.  If it's someone who you have to work with, try to have a conversation with that person that can easily lead into why they take your stuff.  It could just be a streak of coincidence or it could be that they just want to free load off you for forever. 

Deadbeat

Probably the saddest of them all, deadbeats make the other people mentioned in this blog look like gods.  To me a deadbeat is a person who is a dangerous combo between a freeloader and someone who fakes an interest in your life so they can just keep being a leech.  Deadbeats drain someone socially, time wise, financially, spiritually, and physically depending on how much time someone spends with them.  These people typically want rides from you all the time, can't find a job for a lame excuse, can't prioritize their life, and usually don't try to give something back to you if he owes you or not.  These people you just can't ignore if they are really attached to you.  You need to lay down the law and fast before they stumble into your wedding just to go to the free bar and embarrass yourself. 

Whiners

It is natural to feel really bad for someone who is going through a rough time such as a bad break up, someone close to him dying, or another unfortunate event or accident.  But if they just keep complaining about stupid bullshit and make themselves a black hole that is sucking the energy out of you, you need help fast. 

These people are usually like this and that's the way it is.  Someone has to complain about something that isn't going just fine in their life.  They complain about how much sleep they aren't getting, which is their own damn fault, and whenever they want to do something with you, they either don't go or worse, drop out in the middle of your scheduled event.  And when you bring them somewhere, they usually just sulk in some corner completely baffled about why their life sucks so much.

A lot of these are freakin liars, too.  They find some way to get out of something they don't want to do and complain about it like their day is the worst on the planet.  They also have a reason of not doing whatever you have planned and it's usually their own fault or so insignificant to a normal person it wouldn't matter.

Then you have the kind who pretend to be truly depressed so they can get your attention or someone elses.  These usually happen to people when they go through a break up that isn't even that bad.  Normally if you give a person space for a little while they climb back up and get better.  But some people just don't want to make it sunny anymore and give this excuse to why they suck at work.  It's not necessary, and you definitely don't have to deal with it. 

Self Righteous People

Never bring these people to any event of any kind.  Self righteous in this context doesn't mean people who preach way too much, although that can be another subject altogether in your list of crappy friends.  This is about people who think they know everything there is and that their opinion matters best because they took like two classes about it in college.  In fact most of these people are most common in college.  In a way I find it completely ironic.  Shouldn't college make you realize how much information there is in the world and how little you actually know of it?  No, instead today's college generation (which is probably the worst in my opinion) do not believe in listening to each other's opinion and if no one conforms to a norm's most popular idea, they should be shot on sight.

A lot of Republicans have problems with this if you live out on the East Coast and vice versa in the West because of whatever the popular political party is.  Instead of sharing and comparing ideas on an adult level with you, your friend tries to cancel out anything they find at least a smidgen funny about your idea and backs it up with information that is either reliable or something they read in a textbook so it must be true.  Many people ironically also think that they are open minded, which most "radical" college students believe, but they cannot be open minded if they won't listen to you, right?  Exactly. 

You can also find these people to say anything they want about a subject they don't even know a lot of.  For example if I'm talking about the WWE business with someone, that person would probably say, "Oh I know a lot of stuff about that because the news had something about Chris Benoit and how he killed himself.  You're wrong, the wrestling business is not careful of their hired athletes," I get pissed off due to obvious reasons.  Really pissed off.  And I'm sure that has happened to some of you before.  (And if you don't understand it, I suggest looking it up.)

Health Nuts and Green Nazis

I think I saved the best for last just because I believe that this group of people are on the rise and has been since a few years ago.  How could we let this happen?  Because it's out of our control. 

I hate eating something and a friend of mine has to comment on what I'm eating and why it's bad for me.  Or if I accidentally throw out a water bottle out, they wouldn't say, "Dude you threw that water bottle.  Don't you want to recycle it?" they would say, "You know that plastic bottle is going to be in a landfill for thousands of years," then it makes me want to throw me up from all this unnecessary guilt.  Just tell me I threw it out by mistake!  It doesn't have be a huge project. 

Seriously the level of thought of this group of people makes not only me mad but thousands of people upset.  And I'm not just going to stop at the friends.  This is why I don't try to make friends with soccer moms because they are guilty of the same thing.  They have a terrible habit of trying to hook their kids up to a healthy food tube and always have to talk about how they saved the earth today before they go out to a bar and guzzle beer that will make them fat in the future.  Now I don't smoke or drink or any of that stuff, but extreme hardliner straightedge people shouldn't make a huge sermon about how my friend wants a drink of beer to celebrate getting a new job.  That's just complete crap.

Hopefully you found a pattern here because I really hate to spell it out, but to tell the truth, they are just trying to make you cave in your free will to do what you want, hence the term Nazi.  And yes I know the picture has a Communist symbol, but they are all the same to be in terms of being extremists.

That's all I can think of, but if you could agree, I did hit a lot of the major groups here.  So try to break yourself away from these people, but also remember that some of these guys aren't really too bad.  I mean yeah you could have someone who is a whining bitch be a good person in the inside, but if there was some way you could just try to make them break these habits, then they won't be in your C list in the first place.  And if any of you have at least one friend in each category, I truly feel sorry for you.